Things Travellers Don’t Want to Hear

So here are a few things that we tend to hear a lot that grind our gears. These answers probably won’t apply with everyone, but if you’ve had any of these questions here are the answers.

Aren’t you scared?

Scared of what? The chance to broaden my horizons? Yeah I’m soooo terrified to become a more open minded and tolerant person.

Well considering we lived our worst fear, it’s more funny than scary now. But let’s just say we learned our lesson.

How does your family feel about you travelling?

I forgot I’m an adult who can make my own decisions and not have to consult them at every turn. Maybe ask them this question because honestly our answer will be a lot different than what they’re feeling. 

Well all of their worst fears ended up coming true so now every thing in life with them is a cake walk. “You wanna move to Calgary without a job in the middle of a recession? SURE, We’ll help you move!”

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Won’t you miss it here?

HAHAHAHAHA why do you think I’m leaving in the first place? But if you are serious, then no. No I won’t miss it here.

Yes, yes in fact we did.

How do you afford to travel?

This is the WORST question you could ask anyone who travels unless you’re legitimately asking for advice. Imagine this: Susan, how do you afford your children? John, how do you afford your car? Yeah same question but i’m sure they wouldn’t like getting asked it.

Barely. Let’s just say money got a little tight at the end there. We’re still working it out…with snacks and alcohol.

What does your boyfriend think?

What boyfriend? Also, even if we did have boyfriends, they would be right beside on on these adventures. Why be with someone who doesn’t support your dreams?

Still no boyfriend. Again, working on it. This point still isn’t relevant so lay off.

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Youre so lucky.

This again is another question travellers hate to hear. I didn’t realize working hard, forgoing activities at home, and even missing out on things to save was considered “lucky”.

Lucky? Yeah we’re lucky…LUCKY TO BE ALIVE!!!

I wish I had your life.

Welllllll you could if you saved your money instead of buying those nails every month. It’s priorities and clearly ours aren’t the same.

Why? I’m an anxious ball of depression that also has ADD so you have fun with that. 

How are you so adventurous?

How are you not? But seriously, adventure is basically in our blood.

Two words: impulsive personalities. This part still hasn’t changed. 

It’s dangerous there.

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Cool? I didn’t realize that going to the west coast once made you an expert on this subject matter. You do realize Edmonton was the murder capital of Canada at one time and is on the fast track to heading there again so please tell me how dangerous it is in different countries when there has been 6 murders in 6 days here.

Yeah we have now realized this. In certain situations it is in fact dangerous. Especially when you think the cops that don’t understand English are coming for you. 

I heard blank happened to a friend of a friend there, you know it’s super dangerous right?

Again, cool? A one off experience isn’t going to happen to the majority of travellers to a region. These incidents should not deter you from going just because they happened once or twice. They’re called freak accidents for a reason. Once I heard my grandma’s friend fell out of her bath and broke her hip so should I not bathe ever, that can be arranged.

Well we are now that friend of friend. 

I’ve never been there but I’ve heard its dangerous

Well I heard I could step on a crack and break my mama’s back, so should I not leave my house?

You probably heard that from us now. But don’t let our mistakes stop you. It’s pretty rare that you’ll almost get arrested.

What if you get hurt over there?

The experiences with the Alberta Health Care System I’ve had of late was horrible. I’d way rather get hurt over there than here. Two words: Travel Insurance, get it.

I wouldn’t say there were any physical injuries.(Unless you include bug bites and sunburns) Emotional damage on the other hand…

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Why would you wanna leave here? I love it!

Just because you love something doesn’t mean that we do. This is like forcing an atheist to go to church. It’s not gonna change their mind no matter how much you believe in it. Same goes for this. The more you tell us not leave the more we want to leave.

What your not coming back?

Everyone assumes that there needs to be an end date and you have to come back to the place you started at. If you really want a specific date I’ll come back when hell freezes over, happy?

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

When are you gonna get a real job?

Since when did an office job become a “real” job. Pretty sure I’ll have a more fulfilling experience teaching English and volunteering in foreign countries than I would selling my non-existent soul to the corporate world.

Now. And real jobs aren’t that bad. Especially when you find ones you really love. Who would have though?

Aren’t you worried about finding a real job?

Again what is a real a job? But no, pretty sure any job I’ve held has been real, as much as I wished I imagined some of them.

Surprisingly we’re pretty resourceful. It was a rough few months but now we have some pretty rad gigs. So everything ended up working out. 

You have to come back to reality eventually.

I hate to break it you but I don’t think my life’s been a hallucination thus far. And if it has, kudos to those drugs. Seriously though, reality is different for everyone and I don’t get how a 9-5 society has become reality. Just because your goal in life is to have a house and kids doesn’t mean it has to be mine. (no hate to those people, to each their own, so seriously, stop hating on us)

Or is this just fantasy?

Don’t eat street food you’ll get sick.

I got deathly ill when I was in Thailand last summer. Was it from the street food? NOPE. I picked something up at a restaurant. The street food is some of the most delicious food you’ll eat on your trip and avoiding it is possibly the dumbest thing you could do. Just go to the vendor that’s crowded with the locals, you know it’s good.

Don’t get into our situation. You won’t even be able to leave your hotel room to find the street food without thinking you’ll be arrested. 

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What about all the terrorist attacks?

You do realize you’re more likely to get shot by a crazed white man at home right? If anything the terrorist attacks should motivate people to travel more and not hide in their homes quivering with fear and giving them what they want. Honestly, no one knows when or where they’ll happen it’s just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You just gotta be aware of your surroundings when you’re travelling.

There were 5 bombs that went off right after we left Thailand…

You’ll miss it here.

Uhh no pretty sure that’s why I’m leaving. I’m pretty sure that the inevitable feeling of dread we get in the pit of our stomachs every time we have to come back to this place is a good indicator that, no we will not miss it here. But thanks for your input pal.

This was in fact. You do have to leave to realize what you have.

I’d get homesick.

Oh I’m sorry, I though I said that I was leaving on a trip, not “Oh hey Martha did you know that you are going to be moving to Southeast Asia for a year? You must be so excited!!” I’m sure YOU would get homesick if YOU left.

You’ll get homesick.

You need to feel a sense of home to be homesick.

Surprisingly never got homesick….except for our justice system.

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